What can I do today to make you happy?

Deuteronomy 24:5 in the King James Version of the Holy Bible reads "When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken."  Sounds extreme?  Not so much at a time where most households were supported with their needs by the fruit of the earth.  Nowadays, husbands may find taking a year away from work to make his wife happy a little more challenging.  The important message is that God charges every married couple with two very important tasks in this scripture. 

My husband focuses on the portion of this scripture that says "cheer up."  In applying it to his requirement as a husband, he recalls the sadness that I experienced with transitioning from the church of my childhood.  I missed the people that I had grown to see as spiritual mothers and fathers and I cringed at the thought of being anywhere else.  As much as they were missed, I found that they turned their back on me due to some disagreement with my decision to follow my husband.  As a single woman, I believed the ultimate blessing was to become the wife of one husband.  I thank God for causing that blessing to come to pass, however the one thing that no one ever tells you is when you do your "single and saved" life the right way, there is a mourning process at its loss.  The position held by this daddy's girl's father, also changed after marriage, and my dad was the one to break that news to me.  Although this was the happiest time of my life, there were plenty of adjustments very early on that brought me to this present place of contentment. 

It was only my husband that could dry those tears and make me continually feel complete while experiencing separation in so many areas.  The word cheer means a shout of encouragement, approval, or congrats.  I thank God for a husband that is a Preacher, Praiser, Exhorter, and Musician.  In other words, it took more than a whisper to pull me out of what I was feeling for those first few months.  It was good to be able to lean and depend on somebody.  Husbands, take a year to minister to your wife's emotions.  Make sure that she is happy and content with her life and constantly looking for the next thing that God will do for both of you.  Be the one person that can look at her smile and tell when it's fake or look at her tears and comfort her then tease her for being overly dramatic and make her laugh.  That's love, that's connection, that's what it feels like to be one.

As the wife, I focus on the portion of scripture that says "he shall be free at home."  I remember around August or September of 2010, I began preparing my home for the arrival of my husband.  Of course, he had been over to the house before and saw the rooms, however he had not had the opportunity to look at the house as anything other than "T's Crib."  I wanted him to have the ability to see it as home.  I looked at my closet with clothes stuffed to maximum capacity ranging from sizes 10-18, and I realized that my husband would need a place to put his clothes.  I had to make a decision to purge my "just in case I lose the weight clothes," (or at least most of them).  I also began learning some of his favorite recipes.  I made room in the bookshelf for his Bibles and books.  I took my Bluetooth charger out of the outlet that was close to the bed so that he'd have a place to charge his cell phone along with mine.  My prayer was that these little things would allow my husband to feel at home and be free while he was here.

There is always a challenge when a man or woman marries someone that serves as a Minister or Evangelist in the church.  When I come home, I don't want to be Evangelist Betterson.  I want to be Tonya, or better yet, Ladybug (that's what he calls me).  When my husband comes home, he doesn't want to be Minister Betterson or Minister of Music.  He wants to be Errin, or better yet, Bear (that's what I call him).  Home is the place where my husband can be free to be vulnerable, transparent, sad, angry, and many of the other emotions that we don't always feel comfortable showing in front of the audience that we minister before.  Home is the place where he can take off his suit, put on his basketball shorts, and play his Xbox.  Home is the place where we can share our dreams and visions and even do some cutting up when no one is looking.  (smile)

Wives, grant your husband the gift of freedom at home.  Let him have his days where he does what he wants to do or has friends over and I'm sure he'll give you your days to do the same.  The opposite of being free is to be bound and a husband that is bound at home seeks out a place to be free.  Think about it.

Stay blessed and we love you!