I Support You

I'm a huge fan of the "Tia and Tamera" show on the Style network. It documents the adult lives of famous twins Tia Mowry-Hardrict and Tamera Mowry-Housley of the 90's sitcom Sister, Sister. Recently, in preparation for the upcoming birth of her and her husband Adam's first child, Tamara began researching post-partum depression. She learned that mothers who have experienced depression in their lifetime are more susceptible to being depressed after the birth of the baby. Tamera revealed to her audience that she experienced a deep depression years ago which was triggered by a drastic change in her environment shortly after graduating college. Out of concern, Tamera found herself further researching post-partum depression as well as discussing the topic with friends and family. As a precaution, Tamera also brought her concerns to her spouse.

As she began to describe her concerns to Adam, it became clear to the viewer that Tamera was fearful of what she may experience emotionally following the birth of their son. She wanted Adam to be aware of the signs of post-partum depression so that he would be educated if she were to sink into a depression too deep to know what's best.

As Tamera begins sharing her concerns with Adam, it is very obvious that this topic has not crossed his mind. I wouldn't use the word unconcerned to describe his expression and he is certainly not smiling with his mouth, but there's definitely a lack of urgency there. (Perhaps the look of extreme contentment and relaxation on the face of an expectant father with no financial concerns). At one point, he cracks a smile and says something to the effect of "And you think this is going to happen to you?"

As I'm watching the scene, I'm inwardly anticipating the voice of reason. A voice that would say "You have nothing to worry about" or "That's silly, Tamera. You experienced depression so long ago!" Instead, Adam replies, "I support you."

I'm not sure why this scene impacted me so strongly. To be honest, this was my second or third time seeing this episode. Perhaps because he replied in a way that seemed completely left field for someone with my personality type (I'm extremely analytical and talkative at times). Either way, I must admit that I love, love, love this reply and I want to add it to my marital vocabulary more often.

In my marriage, I have definitely said I support you on much more than one occasion and I've received the same. But I can't help but think back to the times I said, "That doesn't make sense," or "That's silly," because an area of concern for my spouse was not an area of concern for me. How much more awesome would those moments have been had I replied with three simple words... I support you. Perhaps instead I used that time to be the voice of reason, the voice of concern, or the dreaded voice of NAG. Although helpful and meaning well, this voice is often unwelcome in these situations. Adam's desire to make his wife feel supported far outweighed his personal opinion of the matter.

So I ask you today, when was the last time you could have replied "I support you" but didn't?

I end this blog with the lyrics to one of my favorite songs. Not for its relevance, but for its significance:

**Continue to pray for me that I might go in peace
Continue to keep me lifted that I might go in spirit
Keep my name on your mind when you go to God next time
I need you to cover me.**

Support him, support her, support each other.

The Betterson's love you!